Importance of Helping Loved Ones During the Holy Month
By Syeda Khaula Saad
Mar/Apr 26
Ramadan is a true trial of patience and dedication. Muslims around the world are tested with hunger, thirst, and a heightened focus on spirituality. But for many women, this holy month comes in tandem with additional hardship: fulfilling the domestic chores of the household — especially preparing suhoor and iftar — all while fasting.
For many wives, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, and daughters, the traditions of Ramadan many Muslims are accustomed to — community, family, and worship — are sometimes eclipsed by the exhaustion brought on by the responsibility of balancing household duties with religious obligations. All too often, it is women who are left standing over a hot stove, rushing to ensure a delicious meal for their family to break their fast as they fight their own dehydration and fatigue. Meanwhile, the men in many households sit idly by, waiting to be served.
This is not a reflection of Islamic regulations. Instead, it’s a result of cultural expectations borrowing from patriarchal customs and traditions. There is no rule stating that women are responsible for all of the cooking and cleaning during Ramadan.
In fact, wouldn’t you feel as if you were honoring your fast better by taking some of the household burdens off of the women in the family?
What Fasting is Actually About
Ramadan is a commemoration of the month the Quran was revealed. It is through fasts that Muslims are expected to practice self-discipline and grow spiritually. But while abstaining from food and drink are staples of fasting during Ramadan, without the spiritual and personal components, you’re essentially starving yourself without any benefit. Surah Al-Baqarah states, “O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become righteous (taqwa)” (Quran 2:183). And it’s through your actions and treatment of others during your fast that this righteousness can descend upon the faithful.
“There are those who, for a variety of reasons, cannot fast, yet they too can partake in the blessings of Ramadan,” chair of the Center for Islamic Life at Rutgers University Atiya Aftab told Islamic Horizons. “It is an opportunity to connect more deeply with Allah’s words. . . to strive to improve your behaviors and correct negative habits and conduct.”
She said there are many ways beyond the physical fast that can make Ramadan meaningful: giving charity, feeding the needy, connecting with family and friends.
Muslims are often taught that Ramadan has a lot to do with community — your neighbors, members of your mosque, your extended family. But your community begins with your home.
Fasting is Social
“Fasting is also social — especially with those in the household,” Aftab said. She explains that our duties to family are one of the highest priorities in Islam.
Many times, Muslims practice this by creating traditions that support their fast. Aftab named praying in congregation, eating suhoor and breaking fast together, and even competing for good deeds as some ways to do this. Her own family and friends created a tradition of preparing meals for the local food pantry every weekend. Her family also decorates for Ramadan and discusses topics from the Quran together. “There are so many ways to commemorate Ramadan with our families,” she said.
And yet, when so much of the holy month can be improved by sharing and supporting, why are women often left to handle domestic labor alone?
Domestic Labor
I grew up in a home where my mother and oldest sister did all of the cooking and cleaning. My father worked and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. And so when Ramadan came around every year, it seemed to be lumped into the other duties my mother had around the house. Many may argue that this is a fair division of labor. But is it really?
“A marriage is a partnership and labor in the home should be amicably divided,” Aftab said. “It is certainly challenging to cook and clean while fasting and it is also challenging to be working outside the home while fasting.”
If fasting is a hardship for anyone whether they’re raising kids or paying bills, why does the additional hardship of Ramadan fall onto women almost exclusively?
And this doesn’t even take into consideration a changing socioeconomic landscape. Many women are not just stay-at-home wives and mothers anymore.
“Unfortunately, often a woman is working two jobs — meaning she is responsible for cooking and cleaning and she is required to work outside the home,” Aftab explained. During Ramadan, her responsibilities are multiplied. It’s often assumed this comes with the territory of being a woman in a Muslim household — but where are we getting this assertion from?
The Prophet’s Model (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
After the direct teachings of the Quran, one of the best ways a Muslim can practice their faith is to emulate the behaviors of Prophet Muhammad.
“The Sunnah of the Prophet is clear on how he was very involved in domestic chores,” Aftab said. In different Hadith, it is said that the Prophet mended and washed his own clothes, helped in household tasks, and served his family. Above all else, it is emphasized that he never made his wives carry the burden of household tasks alone. He practiced partnership — and it was intended that all Muslims do the same.
“Islam is clear that men and women are equal in their ibadat (duties to Allah),” Aftab said. And so, when you’re watching the women in the house cater to you and others, it’s important to ask yourself: Are you practicing equality in your household duties? Are you lessening the burden of your partner, mother, or sister? Are you honoring your fast?
Making Positive Changes in your Home
If you’ve never stopped to think about the workload carried by the women in your family during Ramadan, this is your opportunity to make a positive change and practice righteousness.
“Men should be honoring women in Ramadan as well as outside of Ramadan and vice versa,” Aftab said. “Specifically, regarding Ramadan, I believe couples should have a mindset of working together and caring for each other, uplifting each other’s needs and making a plan for the month.”
This can vary for couples and families depending on what their lives look like. Aftab suggested discussing daily suhoor and iftar preparation, childcare management, charity plans, and Eid celebrations. What’s manageable for each person and where might someone need support? This doesn’t always mean a 50-50 split in the division of tasks. If one person is taking a lead on cooking iftar and suhoor, perhaps the other can manage the other duties of the household — as long as one person isn’t expected to carry the huge majority of the extra work during this very important month for Muslim families.
“Communication of needs and expectations is always key,” Aftab advised.
Carrying these Practices into the Rest of the Year
We should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves this Ramadan and every Ramadan after that. Reflection is the key to this — how can we know which areas of our lives to improve on if we don’t take stock of our actions?
One of the best ways we can do this is by learning about our faith. If your ideas of gender roles in Islam are formed solely by what you’ve seen in your household, your knowledge of your faith is lacking.
“Women and men need to understand their Islamic rights and obligations in marriage,” Aftab said. This way, they can both learn to support one another and create an environment that uplifts them both and whatever their family may look like in the future.
“These characteristics are those of a Muslim and they should be cultivated during the entire year and highlighted in Ramadan.”
Syeda Khaula Saad is a Pakistani American lifestyle writer who covers women’s issues, culture, and identity. She is a graduate of the Columbia University School of Journalism whose work can be seen in publications including Teen Vogue and Muslim Girl.
Want more like this? Subscribe to the Islamic Horizons magazine and support authentic journalism by Muslims for Muslims.