What Muslim Parents Can Do
By Shabnam Mahmood
Mar/Apr 2024
Are parents familiar with what’s being taught in their child’s school? Historically, the public education system has evolved to mirror societal changes. Currently, the issue of LGTBQ+ curriculum in public schools is at the forefront. Several states have adopted bills allowing this material to be introduced as early as elementary school.
This overt use of state authority to push a specific agenda has been a point of contention for many Muslims and other faith-based and conservative communities. A Dearborn, Mich., school board meeting was shut down during October 2023 by protestors’ objection to including LGBTQ+ books in classrooms. Another case garnering national attention is Mahmoud v. McKnight. Three multi-faith families of elementary-aged children in Maryland objected not only to the use of story books featuring LGBTQ+ characters in the Montgomery County Public School (MCPS) system, but also the school district’s reversal of the previous opt-out option. The lawsuit claimed that “the no-opt-out policy violates their and their children’s free exercise and free speech rights under the First Amendment, the parent’s substantive due process rights under the Fourteenth Amendment, and Maryland law.”
Option to Opt-Out
Initially, MCPS notified the parents of the LGTBQ+ books and their right to opt-out. “MCPS school board also enacted religious diversity guidelines that suggested schools adjust their instruction or accommodate requests from students who wish to be excused from classroom discussions, which would ‘impose a substantial burden on their religious beliefs.’ The same guidelines also stated, ‘If such requests become too frequent or too burdensome, the school may refuse to accommodate the requests.’” (DeNotaris, 2023). MCPS declared last March that it would no longer allow parents to opt-out of the LGTBQ+ curriculum.
Parents from faith-based and secular backgrounds united to raise their concerns to the MCPS school board and board of education. Wael Elkoshairi, an MCPS parent, founded the parent-action group Family Rights for Religious Freedom (FRRF) in April 2023, which galvanized parents to voice their concerns and filed for an emergency injunction to restore the opt-out option.
The court ruled in favor of MCPS, citing that the parent’s right to opt out of the LGTBQ+ curriculum, which conflicts with their religious views, is not a fundamental right. However, parents remain encouraged and have submitted a motion for a mandatory injunction.
Similar struggles are being fought nationwide. Elkhoshairi says Muslims from across the country are contacting FRRF. So, what’s at the heart of these arguments?
“It appears to be the question of who has more rights over a child’s education, the government or parents?” said Tom Facchine (resident imam, Utica Masjid; research director, Islam and Society, the Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research) in an interview with Islamic Horizons.
To complicate the issue, LGBTQ+ advocates are also drawing parallels between themselves as a minority group and those that are race-based, arguing that they should have similar rights of representation within the education curriculum.
“LGTBQ+ advocates have capitalized on other minority groups. The initial bill [Nevada Assembly Bill 2621] includes Black, Native, Indigenous people and people with disabilities. It’s a radical position based on ideology,” Facchine added. By associating themselves with such minority groups, the community also tries to portray itself as a minority group worthy of recognition and representation rights.
“The LGTBQ+ agenda has gained momentum through grassroots efforts, campaigns and advocacy,” said Mohammad Ahmadullah Siddiqi (professor emeritus, Journalism and Public Relations, Western Illinois University). He explains that the LGTBQ+ community stood with Muslims during the Trump presidency, when Muslims were being targeted, in hopes of Muslims reciprocating that support. Christians who hope to unify efforts against this agenda also sought Muslim support.
Kareem Monib is co-founder of Coalition of Virtue, a parents’ group that advocates for parental rights in the public school system and joined the MCPS parent rally against the board of education.
“This is an act, not an identity. It’s not the role of the state to impose values,” he said, contending that LGBTQ+ should not be conflated with race-based designations. LGBTQ+ advocates argue that homosexuality and transgenderism are based on biology.
Monib and Sameera Munshi recently discussed gender ideologies in a Yaqeen Institute video, “The Coalition Fighting Gender Ideology in Schools | Dogma Disrupted,” with imam Facchine.
Perplexed Parents
“I didn’t even know!” says Amal [not her real name]. By the time the mother of four became aware of what was happening in her children’s school, the curriculum had already been implemented (spring 2021) and had influenced them.
“The club was introduced as a student initiative. Kids didn’t need parental permission to join,” she stated. “When parents objected, the school said it’s a student club and there was no need for parental consent. The child that didn’t know the definition of all the letters in the LGBTQ+ acronym was considered ignorant. If they didn’t comply with the club, they were labeled a bully and brought to the principal’s office.”
The club also provided support groups for those with inclusion issues or parents’ rejecting their identity. Teachers were instructed to refrain from informing parents about the child’s choice of changing his/her gender. The student could be called by a name complying with the gender he/she had secretly chosen.
Amal’s older daughters, now 20, 18 and 16, have increasingly become more empathetic to the LGBTQ+ community. Despite having gone to an Islamic school, the girls challenged their mother, even accusing her of hate speech.
“This is a haram lifestyle,” Amal argued with her daughters. They counterargued that the LGBTQ+ community was targeted and needed supporters. The youngest daughter changed her looks by switching to gender-neutral clothing and cutting her hair to look like a boy. Amal remained steadfast and continued to discuss the matter. The older daughters were more reluctant to change their views. The youngest eventually returned to her previous clothing and hairstyle. Amal has still not given up on trying to have constructive dialogue with her older daughters.
Confident Kids
However, not all Muslim kids feel conflicted. Thirteen-year-old Zayyan Sayyed of Algonquin, Ill., is among a handful of Muslims at his school. He has not joined his school’s LGTBQ+ club. Students sometimes need to identify their pronouns, but other than that he has not come across any LGTBQ+ curriculum.
Sayyed noticed the school’s emphasis on the LGTBQ+ community toward the end of seventh grade. It’s a topic that doesn’t readily come up when talking with his friends though. He says even some of his Christian friends are opposed to this lifestyle. “I know we believe a man is supposed to love a woman and a woman is supposed to love a man. You can’t change that,” said the eighth grader. “Going to Sunday school has helped. The closer you are to religion, the less likely you’ll be led astray. Religion is like a protective shield,” he added.
Pronouns are commonplace at Niles West High School, when students introduce themselves to newer teachers. Sarah Khan, a junior, thinks nothing of it. “It’s just that one extra step you have to do.” Khan has friends who identify as LGTBQ+ but haven’t come out yet. That’s the basis for their conversation — the safety of who to trust. Although Khan doesn’t agree with the lifestyle, she doesn’t think about it very much. “If curriculums are pushing the agenda, that’s wrong.” Otherwise, she listens to her mother’s advice and stays clear of other people’s business, adhering to “For you is your religion, and for me is my religion” (109:6).
What Can Parents Do
This scenario is common among some, but not all, Muslim parents. “It’s a matter of having a belief system and family values,” says Aslam Abdullah (resident Islamic scholar, Islamicity.org). He argues that talking openly with children builds the first line of defense. Once a week, he meets with his family and grandchildren for such discussions on any topic, including LGBTQ+. “Children need a clear understanding of their value system. Parents need to focus on their children. If children see a difference between their parent’s words and actions, they will lose interest.”
There’s a lot of competition for that fleeting moment of a child’s attention. Nowadays, the number of books, films and television shows without gender identity references is shrinking. “There is a disproportionate number of resources,” says Sarah Sultan (licensed counselor and research fellow, Yaqeen Institute).
The 3 Cs
Sultan advises parents to be proactive when confronted with these influences by having straightforward, age-appropriate discussions with their children, preferably before they start school. Middle- and high-school-aged children would benefit from Yaqeen Institute’s curriculum, which addresses this specific issue with the three Cs: Conviction (Solid belief in Allah), Clarify (What does Allah say about this topic?) and Compassion (Teaching our children kindness even if we disagree).
Muslim students often find themselves on the outskirts. Parents should validate their children along with setting boundaries, for aligning with people affects one’s values. Muslim students in Islamic schools are not exempt, because all teens face the same challenges in this hypersexualized society. Sultan suggests providing children with alternative circles, such as masjid activities and vetted peer groups.
For those who argue about being merciful and empathetic to this community, Imam Facchine explains that moral discussion is not hate speech. Muslims shouldn’t abandon their beliefs and value system to show empathy. Hate, on the other hand, means to abandon someone to their destruction. However, because you want good for someone, you dare to raise your voice to help them. This is compassion, not hate.
He further explains that we aren’t our desires. We are one thing; our desires are another. Our objective is to tame these desires so we don’t fall prey to them. As for mercy, Imam Facchine asks, “Are you more merciful than Allah? Only Allah gets to define mercy. We are justifiable to define mercy, but Allah is not.” No matter how we may perceive our notion of mercy, it cannot compare to that of Allah’s.
Awareness, activism and open communication are a Muslim parent’s strengths in this fight. Become aware of the school situation and participate in the decisions being made. Empathize with the conflicted thoughts your children may have. If adults are uncomfortable with this topic, imagine how children might feel.
Shabnam Mahmood is a Chicago-based author, freelance writer and educational consultant.
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