By Kiran Ansari

May/Jun 2024

On the first Friday of Ramadan, California-mom Shereen Masood was excited to take her children to the mosque. But instead of being motivated about making the most of this holy month, she was asked to move to the back because she had kids with her — even though her shy daughter didn’t make a sound. 

Her second disappointment was when the khateeb dedicated the sermon to fundraising for another wing at an already large mosque. “They even wanted to raise money for a skiing trip!” Masood recollects. “The imam said you all work for Apple and Google, surely you can donate $1 million.” She now prefers to attend jummah at a multifaith facility where her kids also feel welcome.

The Prophet used to shorten his prayer if he heard a child crying, because he understood the concern the child’s mother would be feeling. He once said, “I begin the prayer, intending to make it lengthy, but then I hear a child crying, so I shorten my prayer because I know the stress facing the mother because of his crying” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Saih Muslim and Sharh al-Sunnah, 3/410, Kitab al-Salah).

Islam does not prohibit women from attending mosques. Ibn Umar (radi Allahu ‘anh) reported, “The Prophet said, ‘Do not prevent women from their share of the mosques, if they seek your permission’ (Sahih al-Bukhari, Vol. 1, Bk #12, Hadith #824; Sahih Muslim 442-136).

However, women also have the option to pray at home. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, PhD, a former ISNA president, states that while there is no prohibition, Friday congregational prayer isn’t obligatory upon women (“Abu Dawud,” Book 2, Hadith 567). Women used to attend jummah and other prayers in the Prophet’s Mosque during his lifetime. 

Maria Iqbal left the mosque when her kids were little — a time when she really wanted them to have a positive association with the house of God. “Growing up in Pakistan, I used to hear the adhan and was familiar with an Islamic environment. I wanted to replicate that …”

She recalls that all mothers with young children were ushered into the “mommy room,” where chaos reigned. Some mothers weren’t watching their kids, there was a stench of unchanged diapers, the plastic sheet on the floor made a crackling noise anytime someone walked and the sound system was terrible. 

“One Ramadan, I thought ‘I’ll go pray in the larger musalla,’” Iqbal said. “One auntie asked her young daughter why she didn’t have a headscarf. Another one had an issue with her doll. I just felt like there is no place for mothers in this masjid.” 

Although she had a better experience at another mosque, she didn’t feel as connected. “We had donated time, effort and money to the first mosque, and I wanted it to feel like ours. We saw it come up before our eyes, but sadly we couldn’t enjoy any of the facilities we had supported. I know I wasn’t the only one who stopped going there.” 

Iqbal and other young mothers believe the environment needs to be better to make children feel welcome, and that crying children should not be a huge issue. She suggested there be some “father’s rooms” (gasp!) or hired babysitters who could keep the children engaged while parents prayed. 

“I admit Ramadan is usually a mess in the sisters’ section,” said Mufti Wahajuddin (imam, Tawheed Center, Farmington Hills, Mich.). “This Ramadan, we made arrangements for the women in the gym so that they have a larger space for prayer.” 

He believes all mosques should have specific programming for different demographics like reverts and sisters. His mosque’s empowerment committee, led by a revert sister, helps plan the mother-daughter and mommy-and-me events. 

“The group that I feel is getting a little distant in my mosque is the youth. But again, I think that’s across the board,” Wahajuddin said. “Most mosques are trying to do as much as they can to attract youth, but they either get influenced by their friends or go to the masjid closest to the best basketball court.” 

Reverts Feel Sidelined

Kansas City, Miss., mother Kaitlin stopped going to the mosque regularly ten years ago, after she had her son. 

“As a revert, I was totally new to learning a lot of things,” Kaitlin shared. “People’s way of correcting me put me off, because it would go from one person from one madhhab (school of thought) correcting me to another person from another madhhab correcting me again. Had I not had the support of other friends through MSA and the ICNA revert program, things would have been much harder.”

She also felt that mothers with children were not welcome, for the designated area was uncomfortable, cramped and lacked rules. Some kids were left unattended and people were either shushing kids or shaming mothers. 

“The kids were just being kids. They were not really disruptive,” Kaitlin said. “I was very disheartened when I was shamed for nursing my baby modestly in an all-women’s section. It was the ‘masjid regulars’ who were doing this. The same faces were shaming other younger women too.”

She moved to another masjid, one whose imam gave specialized classes for reverts and taught Arabic and Islam from a revert’s lens. However, “mosque politics” led to his dismissal. “The political motives were really upsetting for us reverts,” Kaitlin added. “He was providing a service that we were unable to find elsewhere.”

She then tried the town’s newest mosque. However, her hopes were dashed. “We didn’t feel as represented in the programming,” she recollects. “Most people were from one ethnicity, either a physician or engineer, and contributing to a certain monetary level. We felt like outsiders.” 

Other issues were being asked if they were a “member.” Some guest speakers made them feel alienated. They felt the board members were dismissive of diversity of thought. They wrote [unanswered] letters to the board. It felt like “a monopolized old boys club,” usually consisting of mosque founders. Even though they had one or two women on the board, no allowances were made for their schedules.

Kaitlin enjoyed the vibes in the different mosque-scape she saw in Washington, D.C. and Dallas. It could be because she was a visitor, but the programs seemed very accommodating and it looked like everyone was welcome.

She happily reports that she finally found a place she likes. “The new imam seems like a breath of fresh air! It’s quite the drive for me, but since they have programs for all ages and backgrounds, I have made my way there.”

A People Problem, Not a Mosque Problem

To be fair, not every Muslim feels unmosqued. In fact, many keep attending despite some issues. 

Aliuddin Hassan believes the mosque is a sacred place where one comes to pray and connect with God. He feels that sometimes we forget that its purpose isn’t to be a social center. Socializing may occur, but we shouldn’t forget its main purpose. 

“What do you mean by feeling unwelcome?” Hassan asked. “People can be rude and unfriendly, but that’s a people problem, not a masjid problem, unless there are specific rules that outcast you. In general, I don’t like correlating people’s actions with a masjid’s character.”

For instance, when his wife attends Mosque A, she feels women stare at her in a strange way when she isn’t wearing a black abaya. … However, she won’t stop going because of that. She just prefers to go to Mosque B.”

Hassan understands that this is only possible in larger cities with multiple mosques. He reminds us that Abu Hurayra (radi Allahu ‘anh) reported that our Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “From the people that will be granted shade under Allah’s throne on a day where there will be no shade but His, is someone whose heart is attached to the mosques (“Sahih al-Bukhari,” “Sahih Muslim” and “Riyad al-Salihin,” Introduction, hadith 449).

Buraidah (radi Allahu ‘anh) reported, the Prophet said, “Convey glad tidings to those who walk to the mosque in the darkness, for they will be given full light on the Day of Resurrection” (Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud, “Riyad as-Salihin 1058, Book 8, Hadith 68).

“Now I need that shade and that light on the Day of Judgment, so becoming unmosqued isn’t an option for me,” concluded Hassan. 

Getting Involved

“When I manage to get to jummah early, I see (imam and religious director) Sheikh Hassan (Mostafa Ali) and Sheikh Tariq (Musleh), outreach director of the Mecca Center in Willowbrook, Ill., outside the musalla greeting everyone,” said Rukhsana Iqbal. “They know me through my work, as I serve on a couple of committees at the mosque. However, I often see them greeting families before and after salah every week. Perhaps this is another nudge to get involved.” 

Wahajuddin notes, “There’s usually a demographic at every mosque that complains a lot, but doesn’t really get involved in helping out.” 

For 19 years, Nadia Ahmed has been attending the same masjid, one associated with a long-standing Islamic school that she didn’t attend. Many of the attending families are its former students, family members or alumni who make it feel like they “own” the place. Even though Ahmed has volunteered for several years, she always felt sidelined. That didn’t deter her. 

“I feel I’m serving the House of God, so I continued,” Ahmed said. “Thanks to some volunteer training at college, I was also able to win over the difficult aunties at jummah and taraweeh.”

Now she’s a regular attendee, finds her spot to pray, says salam to whoever is on her right and left and focuses on her ‘ibada. 

“I don’t wait for others to initiate salam, as we don’t know what anyone is going through,” Ahmed said. “My focus is just to find some peace and focus on traditional ‘ibada (worship). I don’t feel the need to be welcomed …. I feel welcomed by God. So many people don’t even go for jummah. The fact that we frequent the mosque is because God has opened our hearts toward it, and that is a huge blessing.” 

Whenever she has suggestions, she goes to the mostly male management — and they have listened respectfully. She has even seen some of her suggestions implemented. 

“I’m not super religious or anything, but some life lessons have taught me to be more grateful for what we have instead of complaining about what we do not.” 

Kiran Ansari is the assistant editor of Islamic Horizons. She feels blessed to raise her children in the suburbs of Chicago, which is home to mosques in every shape, size, and structure. 

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By Sundus Abrar

Jan/Feb 2024

“Shame on you.” 

“She was my inspiration.”

“Tears started falling and I really loved you.” 

These are some of the emotionally charged comments that remain on an Instagram post of a Muslim influencer when she decided to stop wearing the hijab. Despite her very public presence on Instagram, she has opted to not clarify her reasons for doing so. Subsequent requests from Islamic Horizons for an interview were not answered. A’s identity is not the central concern in this discussion, but the turbulent reaction to her personal decision needs to be explored to understand how the actions of public individuals impact the broader Muslim community. 

Interviews referenced here were conducted prior to the ongoing and devastating siege in Palestine which has resulted in a rise in Islamophobic rhetoric and hate crimes affecting “visible” Muslims in North America. As the mainstream media continues to peddle a familiar bias narrative, many are beginning to question its validity. Social media, despite the persistent attempts of censorship on it, serves as a key access point to portraying the realities of oppressed populations. 

Muslims have consistently been vilified in mainstream media. This has far-reaching and tragic outcomes when Muslims are targeted in acts of hate and harassment. Presenting as visibly Muslim, an experience shared by women who wear the hijab, can be difficult in such unbalanced settings. Social media offers relative safe spaces for these women to connect and build resilience to overcome the challenges they encounter in their immediate environments. 

Leaving the Hijab

Before she stopped wearing hijab, A used her presence online to share different hijab styles and modest dressing. She also offered services as a hijab stylist which led to the launch of her hijab line. In a 2014 interview, published on a Muslim blog, she shared insight about when she started wearing hijab at age 11. “I wore it by choice because I had the right influence around me.” This positive influence was what many of A’s followers were seeking to aid them in their own hijab journeys. 

Like A, several other influencers have recently stopped wearing hijab. Two other women also marketed hijabs and modest fashion lines. They were vocal in their choice to wear hijab when they were maintaining this choice but did not discuss their reasons for why they stopped. Their dismissiveness only led to more questioning and frustration from their followers. 

People feel betrayed and disappointed when the unspoken expectations they have of influencers and public figures they admire are not met. These feelings are not unwarranted. A deeply resonating message, or niche, on social media, evokes an emotional response in followers which results in increased content engagement. This is the very currency for prominence and success on social media. An emotionally invested following online can often nly be sustained through an influencer’s consistency in messaging.

Do Influencers then have any responsibility to maintain this trust and be consistent in their personal choice to wear hijab? 

Scholarly Advice

Dr. Tamara Gray, acclaimed religious scholar and founder of Rabata, a Minnesota-based nonprofit Islamic organization for women, is thoughtful and thorough in addressing this concern. 

With a considerable following on social media herself, she recognizes the challenges that come with heightened prominence for influencers.  “The early companions didn’t want to be leaders because they knew this was hard, and I am going to have to put even more of my nafs aside,” said Gray. “Being in the limelight is really hard because now you have to make decisions that are not only about yourself but are also about those that are following you.” 

She uses the example of an account she follows which shares vintage fabric designs. Should this influencer change the focus of their content, the impact on their followers would likely not be deeply distressing. The same does not hold true if an influencer is using their platform to promote religion. They need to be more mindful and consistent. 

“Losing religion publicly can be a great sin,” said Gray. “It’s serious because it’s not only about you anymore. If what you did caused other people to struggle – if you put yourself out there as an influencer and you benefited from it and you set that aside – that’s not responsible.” 

Influencers are being watched in their personal settings, such as their homes and cars. Followers may develop a sense of closeness through these observations. The experience for the influencer though is very different. He or she does not have the same level of familiarity with her observers. “We need to be intentional and understand that we are creating relationships,” said Dr Gray. 

 Though followers may be upset about an influencer’s decision, Gray encourages thoughtful conduct in our engagement online.

“You are not fixing things by lashing out at someone. That is not the Islamic way.  You are just making sin for yourself. We need adab and akhlaq in interactions with people no matter who they are,” she said. 

Holding each other accountable is important for Muslims, but accusatory comments are not beneficial. Influencers who are consistent in wearing their hijab are also met with harsh comments.

Maintaining the Hijab

Tahirah Folk, New York native, model, and influencer, has often received unkind and accusatory comments online. As an African American she shares her experience with racism within the Muslim community, “The only place I felt I truly belonged as a Muslim was when I went for Umrah.” She addresses the criticism she has experienced about her approach to hijab in a Tiktok (@sincerelytahiry) post: “People who I will never allow to come for my hijab” went viral. The responses to it are polarizing. While some argue that women should be receptive to criticism, many women who wear hijab wholly endorsed the boundaries Folk asserts. “To give naseeha (advice) you have to be involved in the emotional wellbeing of the person,” Folk said. 

 Online, Folk has connected with her community celebrating Black Muslim women, and she is aware of the potential her prominence brings. “I have always been very intentional once I saw that I was getting a platform. I knew I wanted to represent a community that is often overlooked,” she stated. 

Upholding this concern, she called attention to a recent incident of exclusionary marketing. During New York Fashion Week. Veiled Collection, a popular brand for Muslim modest fashion, invited prominent Muslim modest fashion influencers to represent their brand. The concern was a glaring lack of diversity. Most influencers were light or fair-skinned. Folk’s view was echoed, and the complaint gained traction.  Veiled Collection finally offered a statement acknowledging their shortcoming in reflecting the diversity of Muslim women.

Though no actual changes were made to the event, the swift recourse inspired @everyblackmuslimgirl, an online community for Black Muslim to host EBMG Fest. This took place a few weeks after Veiled Fest and invited Black Muslim influencers and brands to showcase their products. It proved that collaboration opportunities through social media can amplify social issues and expedite solutions. 

Influencer and modest stylist, Hakeemah Cummings (@hakeemahcmb) shared Folk’s post criticizing Veiled Fest. She too has faced criticism online. She understands that there should be accountability, but she won’t respond to accusations or answer questions she feels she is not equipped to address. “The comment section is not a place to bully. If you are seeking a question, you should be asking a scholar. I am far from that.”

Real vs. Reel Friends

Cummings feels secure in her hijab and actively produces content to guide others on how to adhere to it, but she still relies on her sister’s opinion to ensure her content aligns with Islamic values. “There is really no one online who knows and loves me the way she does. I know that she will push back when I am getting self-absorbed and losing myself in whatever the trends are,” she added. She encourages women seeking support in their faith and hijab journeys to navigate online spaces thoughtfully and seek friendships in real life. “Have that one friend who you can call when you are struggling with your faith,” Cummings said. 

Social media platforms aim to increase engagement. More engagement yields more revenue. To achieve this, social media platforms employ a tool called the algorithm which ensures that users see content most like that which they engaged with the most. To manage this tool to the benefit of the user, Cummings recommends engaging and seeking out content that serves a person’s aspirations. 

She advises a break from social media for those that feel overcome with negative emotions. “It is emotionally taxing if the content you see online is constantly bringing you up and down.” 

Starting the Hijab

With every influencer who takes off the hijab, there are more who start wearing it. Dr. Areeba Adnan, a Toronto, Canada influencer and psychologist is one such example. Her platform @mintcandydesigns initially highlighted her DIY home projects, but now she shares more of her efforts in furthering her understanding of Islam. 

Adnan also teaches the “Influencer Blueprint,” an online course for aspiring digital creators.  “I feel a sense of moral responsibility to the eyes that are watching me. I feel it’s my responsibility to define my values and stay true to them.” 

Nevertheless, she emphasizes the limitations of the influencer culture. “There is an important distinction to be made- you may be influenced by people online, but they are simply people that you watch.”

Adnan has been open about her hijab struggle. Before she became an influencer, she had worn the hijab for five years. “I felt I wasn’t a good Muslim, and I am going to stop wearing hijab and focus more on learning about other aspects of my faith. That didn’t happen. It took me 12 years to come back to learning more about my faith and to wearing hijab again.” 

She advises women considering wearing the hijab or struggling to keep wearing it, to take time in assessing their concerns and persevere.  “It is important to really reflect and do the internal work, and it is important who we surround ourselves with in real life to help us understand why we wear hijab, “she said. 

“Good suhba (companionship) is essential to progress in our faith,” said Dr. Gray. “It’s not something that we have yet figured out how to entirely achieve online.” 

Sundus Abrar, an undergraduate degree in professional writing, aspires to generate dialog around current concerns within the Muslim community. 

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